Shutter Sisters

The Bottom of Everything

By

The bottom of everything is love.

That’s what I thought to myself while she cried, while I cried, while we argued about everything without ever touching the real thing. That her heart was hurting from an old wound. That she was counting on me and I was counting on her and that we had let each other down when it mattered the very most.

We won’t talk about this again. Ever. Can we agree on that?

I shrug. Sure. Whatever. We can talk or not talk but the truth is it is still here, this sadness, this fierce love, this beautiful tension between what we hope for and the way it is.

+++++++++++++++++++++

The bottom of everything is grief.

That’s what I thought to myself when he smiled, when he had tried to explain over Thanksgiving dinner how they met in Beijing without making her sound too much like a mail-order bride. It’s wasn’t like that at all, his eyes told me, but there was no need to explain. He had found her, and something in his heart instantly mended. I could see it all over her face.

How old do you think they are?  Fatou asked, motioning to our guests–the man and his not-a-mail-order-bride, the lovely Chinese woman in the fantastic red jacket.

I have no idea, I told her. But they have that kind of happiness that comes from understanding what it means to be sad. The kind of gratitude that comes after thinking for so long you would always be alone.

+++++++++++++++++++++

These are the stories I think about later, looking at the shots of everyone’s hands and that red jacket, shining in every picture.

These are the stories I think about when I want to get to the bottom of everything, when I wonder if grief will wreck us, when I wonder if love can truly be more than enough, when I want to know what it is exactly that will make our souls whole.

Leave a comment below and today’s lovely giveaway winner will receive:

a collection of TRUST notes and a donation made to this project in the name of someone you love. We’ll send a lovely card announcing your donation to whomever you choose.

Congratulations to Kristina of Meadowlark Days for winning yesterday’s giveaway–artwork by Amy Ruppel.  Lucky lady.

 

 

 

Comments

  20. This is spectacular … the bottom of everything is grief. Wonderful timing (as always) for me.

    I don’t want to win, as I’ve already ordered my sets of Trust Notes, but what a thoughtful giveaway!

  24. oh jen. i knew these were your words upon the first sentence. somehow you can read my mind and you post it here for all sisters to read. and i love this. i love that you wrote this, felt this, shared this. this is real. human. truth. i wish somehow i could meet you, and i think in a strange way i’d see some part of myself, but the stronger version, and maybe i’d take just a little bit of that strength with me. because you give it freely. your words are a salve today. this love. this grief. this life is beautiful even with all of its sadness.
    meredith

  25. What a lovely post. It so eloquently captures the complex dynamics between family members and friends, the ties that truly do bind us whether we choose to recognize them or not.

  28. As I sat in the waiting room at the hospital yesterday for my husband to come out of surgery, I was thinking these very thoughts…at the bottom of all is both love and grief. I had my camera with me but the emotions were too strong, too thick there…it would not have been captured on film. It was deeper, more primal. Thank you for this post.

  32. So much to think about in this post.

    I was truly delighted to see I won yesterday’s giveaway – I am excited to find a place in my home for some inspiring artwork. It was a good way to start the day. Thank you, Shutter Sisters!

  35. There would not be grief if there were not love…a beautiful post and a most gorgeous picture…Thank you for sharing these with us..

  39. wanting to say something and yet not knowing quite what to say, just sitting with those words.

  40. Jen – your words are the thoughts that have been on my mind lately. Last Christmas there was a conflict between my sister and I. Ihave since forgiven her and I was asked to never bring it up again. Altough love allowed me to find the space in my heart to forgive her, grief also reminds me that things have most certainly changed.

    Grief changes everything, but it hasn’t wrecked me… but love did conquer!

  42. I can’t remember if I’ve said this elsewhere but it bears repeating. I think the trust notes are a glorious idea. I love then infinitely.

  47. Ah Jen. You’re heart, you open it to everyone and let yourself experience everything from grief to love. I’m so glad God has shared you with us. You are a gift, pure and simple. Thank you.

  51. As usual, Jen Lemen gets to the very heart of the matter. Why I keep coming back for more and more and more and more. Love it.

  54. What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. I do think its all about love. All of the hurt and anger, resentment, jealousy when you break it all down everyone just wants to be loved

  55. i too love love
    and i so agree with what gail said without love there would be not grief without love
    the bottom of it all is love.

    wonderful wonderful post
    i will read it many many many times.
    thank you

  63. Grace and grief are the twins that at times hold hands and then fly independently of each other. The breath that sustained he and she individually now sheens in the Universe collectively and cohesively unites them together. Love is the whisper of the wind, the invisible hand holding theirs, Love watches from the Earth’s balcony of beauty.

    Trish
    patriciadolan@comcast.net

  65. My heart breaks then mends with the works and the picture. We cannot have heartbreak and grief without first feeling that fierce love.Then we may have never known what true love is without feeling the greif of losing something so dear. This picture is a reflection of this in life.

  66. That couple looks…happy. And, I agree, you can see something in their eyes. It’s a wonderful thing to see. Thank you so much for sharing.

  70. Another touching and beautiful post. My son went to Russia a few years ago to meet an actual mail order bride. You can imagine my grief and worry when I sent him off, the son who had practically never flown alone, going all the way to Russia. For a woman he had only met on the internet. But somehow he made the decision, even though he was dreadfully lonely, to come home alone.

    Thank you and I wish for this couple in your post a long and happy life together.

    Bonnie

  77. As we say in French – c’est venu me chercher. This post was like an arrow shot strait through my heart… for so many reasons. Pure beauty.

  84. Your post sums up the range of emotions people often face this time of year. Thank you for lending a poetic voice…I’ll be meditating on this for a while.

  85. these are beautiful words….i’m trying to build the courage to take more pictures in moments like these… in times of grief and love…

  86. Hmm.

    I’ve been thinking about these same thoughts alot lately. Maybe it’s the holidays..maybe it’s just the time that seems to pass so quickly. I love how you articulate so well. And that you are brave enough to write about your deep feelings.

    I have come to know both sadness grief and intense happiness all mixed together in my life. I guess that is what life is all about. But my feelings are trapped inside me. Sometimes I feel like I will burst! I watch a silly commercial and I cry. Yesterday the song "It’s beginning to look alot like Christmas" came on. The Bing Crosby one. And we were out to eat. Tears sprang to my eyes. "What’s wrong honey" hubby said. "Ohh nothing. Just thinking that I’ve heard that song since I was a little girl". I can’t even convey to him how this sadness is always down underneath my skin. I don’t want to hurt him. So I keep it tight to my breast.

    For me, I choose love over loniness and it’s caused me a split from my family (short version). But I know I made the right decision. And I am happy beyond words. I am loved. But In spite of what my family has done to me; I mourn for them. People say forget about it. Your family is who you Make it. And I try. But that dark sad feeling is buried deep within me.

    So I think I understand what you’ve shared here. And I love it. You’re an incredible woman Jen Lemon. Thank you today for this writing. And I hope love is enough. We’ll all know oneday =)

  88. I should know better than to read this type of thing at work!

    Beautiful photo and story. <sniff/>

  97. What wonderful writing.

    Love gives value to whatever we choose. Without love, there would be no grief.

  100. Thank you Jen. My heart goes out to hopeful people everywhere ready to welcome Love in whatever way it comes to them.

  106. I loved the words, and I love the picture. So colorful, but telling a story, not in the way a cartoon would be colorful (sorry for my lousy english here…).
    Thanks for sharing.

  108. Oh, Jen, I’ve been so inspired by you and hope revolution and your sister (kindness girl)… inspired enough to leave my own little notes around the city and on the buses. These little notes are beautiful. And the sister-story you share with Odette is beautiful, too.

  109. Letting go of old slights – and old major, major heartbreaks – is one of the most difficult lessons in life, I think. I once told a wise woman that I could forgive something of y then-partner, but I would never forget. She told me that would be impossible, that one could never happen without the other.

  110. this beautiful tension between what we hope for and the way it is

    It’s that beautiful tension that keeps us loving despite the grief…and the grief is what makes the loving all the sweeter

  120. I had a moment exactly like this in a coffee/book store with a friend who was grieving over the loss of her mother earlier today. Hands touching next to warm cups of coffee and of course, the cell phone on the table…our image exactly.

  126. Fierce love. That phrase always stands out for me. We can only grieve for what we love, and love is fiercest when we have to fight for it.
    Thankyou

  131. So simple… and so deep …

    How many hearts would not be broken if we learn to talk out what is in the bottom of our heart instead of "arguing about everything".

  135. Such wonderful words. I know this, too — this sadness, this fierce love, this beautiful tension. There is something to be said for the wisdom garnered through grief. Often it leads to greater joys, deeper loves. Thank you.