I picked up the camera so many times and looked through the viewfinder. Maybe fired off a couple of frames half-heartedly. Sometimes I deleted them in the camera, but there are hundreds more sitting on my hard drive, unedited, unviewed. The light stopped speaking to me. The camera body no longer fit my hands like a beloved tool.
If I can’t see images, how can I think of myself as a photographer? Worse yet, what does it say about the way I’ve filled my life, if it doesn’t inspire so much as a snapshot?
It was a long way to fall. I finished a 365 project last October, totally inspired, totally proud of myself, totally grateful. It is a powerful exercise to keep your eye and heart attuned to the beautiful and the remarkable in the midst of your everyday life. To have a photographic record of your progress over a year. To begin to see yourself as an artist.
But with the year up, I stopped shooting every day. I stopped being so mindful. I bought myself a fancy new camera but immediately lost my courage. It is a Serious Camera. In my head this camera deserved to shoot Serious Things instead of my everyday life. I shot less. I felt it as a little death, this loss of a fledgling creative life. It’s not the sort of thing you hold a wake for though. No one brings you red wine and casseroles while you wonder why your eyes don’t work anymore. There was grief but it was mine alone.
But recently I’ve started to notice shadows again. There is the color of autumn leaves. There are long eyelashes and kids in mismatched prints and wet dog noses. My eyes are hungry. My hands are a little itchy for the heavy camera body, even though it still feels awkward in my grip sometimes. I’ve started carrying it with me again, so I’m ready when it calls to me.
I’m starting to understand that it wasn’t a death after all. It was just the change of seasons. I’m starting to believe that just as I know that autumn always follows summer, I can trust inspiration and vision to return.
Have you ever had a dry spell? How did you work your way out of it? What inspired you to start again?
Image and words courtesy of the wonderful Corinna Robbins of Bird Wanna Whistle.
Thank you so much for this timely post. I went through a deep mourning when I fell out of love with music after singing in a band for over ten years. I'm not sure what happened. All I know is that it was a huge loss and that photography saved me. That said, I'm in a bit of a photography slump at the moment which I plan on curing with a change of scenery and a road trip. You're absolutely right, though, creativity ebbs and flows and inspiration does return eventually. 🙂 http://instamaticgratification.wordpress.com/2012/10/28/302366/
Aaah yes…I think any of us who 'create' know that feeling. I have to turn my camera to a new and different subject matter to spark a little creative inspiration…and always – 'practice':
http://marciescudderstudios.squarespace.com/home/2012/10/28/it-begins.html
Reading this post was like reading my own feelings. I think we all go through dry spells but find ourselves coming out the other side. Having been ill recently I feel as though I've lost my photo mojo but I know it's there somewhere.
corinna, this post is so beautiful and speaks to my heart. i'm so glad that you're finding your eye again and to be along on the journey with you. keep shooting, my beautiful friend! xoxo
So…the saving Grace to this question is this…you are not alone. We have all been here at one point or another. Whilst the dry spell has its grubby hold upon me…I open the door to my bedroom, house, heart…I look for beautiful light and I shoot one picture…then I take 10 steps in any new direction and take another one…10 more steps…one more shot. Before I know it, there I am forgetting I am taking 10 steps anywhere but rather finding myself immersed in the process of seeing and documenting my dreams. You deserve this…be patient!
So happy your back in action. And Ira reminds us that we all go through these spells. Sounds like you're over this hump. xoxo
I get this. Beautifully written and equally inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
As always, beautifully written my friend. I trust too that you will fall back on your creative path as your vision is so wonderful and I am so happy to know you and to have spent a few days with you this past week. We all struggle, in one way or another, but we have to believe that it will all be well in the end. Continue on, spread your love, passion, vision – I am so happy to join you on this journey. xxx
Oh sister, you KNOW I've been there. I've sat, uninspired while my Serious Camera sits on the coffee table and mocks me with its awesome. And now I've had a couple of good weeks when the magic was just with me and the dieties of Polaroid (who totally exist) smiled on me but I'm back now from the magical places and I am struggling with how to make the mojo last… I haven't shot in 2 days and now my work of the last two weeks is threatening to mock me with its awesome. I guess I just need to have some faith. And I'm pretty sure I need to pick up my camera…
Thank you for this. I have had a much longer dry spell than I've had in the past. I feel like a failure at everything I do. I'd start a photo project…but I never complete them. I think I need to redefine my definition of success.
I upgraded cameras too, and my new camra did not have any presettings, I had to do everything in manual mode or trust aperture priority & shutter priotiry mode to get the shot. It took quite a while for me to get my sea legs. I had qutie a dry spell.
Thankfully rediscovering my love of photography was almost as fun as discovering my love of photogrpahy for the first time.
Wow…I completely understand this. I just finished a 365 project and have not really taken a picture since. Even my last months worth of pictures were just pictures I took to "get done with my 365 project". Now, I don't know what to do and I feel like I am back at square one again. I look back through my pictures and it seems like I didn't learn a darn thing.
You might as well been pulling the words of this post right out of my mouth. Someone commented already that most people who are creative go through this and I whole heartedly believe that. I've had days I didn't want to write, not one word. I'd rather clean the bathrooms than write. I've also gone for months without my camera or my iphone. I wonder if a person can lose their creativity. I think the answer is yes, it can be lost…for a while. But somehow it finds me again and soon I'm writing or taking pictures and everything seems right in the world. Like you said, a change in the seasons. Thanks for sharing this.
I can totally relate to this; I always feel a 'certain' type of death after the autumn leaves have blown down and the world becomes naked, bare & exposed. I normally call this time 'the gray period'. I find it very hard to see anything 'worth' taking, but it's time readjust my eyeballs & look for things I don't normally take.
I think that is why I continue to shoot (almost) every day – because I'm afraid of what will happen if I quit. That it will result in a long slide into a dry spell, exactly as you have described. And I won't be able to get it back.
But ultimately, I think you are right – we have to trust that inspiration and vision will return. I learn so much from your words – your struggles and your triumphs. Thank you for sharing it all.
Ever since I got my iPhone I haven't touched my "real camera". I often felt overwhelmed with having to download/process/upload/share… But the real problem is that Instagram is an "instant fix" – "Every photo I take is awesome!" – I feel that I have lost my ability to genuinely create. Sure, I take a lot of photos with my phone… But what can I really do with them? And will my son be able to pass those down to his children?
Good to know that I'm not alone in the fact that most f my work remains untouched, unedited and unknown, Maybe this is a good time to comb through those images and remember photographically how we got to where we are today. 😀
So many dry spells Corinna–and your creativity has gotten me out of many of them. Shoot on sister!