Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about mortality. Namely, my own. I’m not going to get morbid and depressing about it, I promise. But since my mind has been wandering amidst the what-ifs, I’ve decided to try being quiet with these inevitable thoughts (and yes, fears) and listen to what the angels are saying. You know, the ones that gently glide by beckoning the big questions;
Are you doing what’s important? Are you living your best life? Are you spending time on what matters most?
I think we would all like to answer yes but sometimes we just aren’t doing the things that matter, as we are clouded by daily demands. It’s the way it goes. But then there are the reminders that lift us from our fog, stories that stir our souls awake, or circumstances and situations that bring the big picture back into focus.
Jen Balantine’s question has been ringing in my ears and instead of leaving my list on paper, I’ve decided to begin to make a dent in it. I want to make a deliberate schedule to fit in the things that matter most; the things that I would do if I had only a few months to live. I plan on making a priority getting all the wonderful photos and stories of my children’s lives off of the computer and organized and into books and memory boxes. I want to create for my girls something tangible to hold onto, to look through, to remind them of their life growing up in our family. Growing up with me. I want them to know (even beyond the knowing that they will always carry with them) that I was here, that I am here, in living color. Everyday. Giving baths, braiding hair, sewing buttons on pants, dancing in the living room, making projects and school lunches, going on field trips and adventure walks and taking pictures. I plan to take time out to do the things I want to do…for me and for them. I’m considering it my date night with destiny. As simple as it may seem, this is what I would do if I knew I only had a few months to live so, I’m going to start doing it now. And I know I’m going to love doing it.
How about you? What would you do? And are you willing to start doing it now?
Thanks to all of you who offered hope through your beautiful images for the auction. The proceeds will be helping Jen and her son as she faces days ahead that seem to keep getting tougher for her. The auction is up and running so head over and bid on your favorite things. Be sure to click on the item you have your eye on to get more info on the object or photo and the person behind it. It makes it that much more special. Thanks again. You are all incredible.
I’m not sure I would change much either. I’m grateful for where I’m at now and mostly that I finally have the discipline (and time) to write and be with my family. Writing makes me happy whether I get published or not. Though I suppose if I knew I was going to live only a few months, I would abandon the novel I’m working on now – because it would never get published if I wasn’t here to keep working on it. I would continue to write, but like you, it would probably be writing more for my son. I do that now, though I’m not in such a hurry. I am grateful for my health and time and can only hope it’s not an illusion.
Oh – I would probably have my husband take more pictures of me for my son (as was mentioned here yesterday!) THAT I can and will do asap!
I was just printing out Deepak Chopra’s exercise on "Who am I?" just yesterday-this is very apropos. Must be the theme I need for the week.
On the small scale, I don’t think there is much I would change. Since my son was born, I think I live a more authentic life-enjoy more, cherish more, am open to more. I like the idea of documenting his life off the computer, and that is something to do once we are past this ugly hump of unemployment….
On a grand scale, there is so much I would love to do. There is so much need, so many people I’d love to give back to thanks to those who have helped us in our struggles with my sons health. Higher hopes and wishes that I continue to strive towards.
And to echo Shelli, I need more pictures of myself with my son. He’ll grow up and wonder where I was exactly (behind the camera).
Love and be loved all.
such a moving message from jen and much for me to think about.
Tracey, thank you for this creative, luminous and evocative photo. Thank you for your inspiring and challenging words. (I keep saying I’ll do this as soon as work slows down…it never will, of course). And thank you for letting me know the auction is up and running. I’ve been waiting for it.
So, to answer your questions. I think I’m slowly moving closer to living my best life. Lack of time is not my only obstacle. So is fear. Thanks for a boost to my courage and a reality check. We all face the same destiny, we just don’t know when.
Wonderful post as usual. If I combine this with "Words to Fly By" and "Growing Where You Are Planted" I have soulful, wise advice for making the most of everyday and living my best life.
What a wonderful message. I agree with you — I want my children to remember "us together" so very much.
I’m an outside-of-the-home working mom, as so many of us are (and to be certain, the work inside the home is just if not more tough), and I’m perhaps overly concerned that the time we have together is quality time. I worry I’m not around enough and these precious years are sliding by. I have "catch phrases" in my head almost every day —
"No one went to their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at the office."
or Jackie O’s memorable line (not quite quoted right) –
"If I mess up raising my children, nothing else I do will matter very much."
And so I try. To be in the moment, as Ali Edwards suggested this week. But still, am I living my best life? I don’t always know….
Thanks for the food for thought.
trace, this is probably the most important question and one of the most important posts to date on shutter sisters. i hate (read HATE) to think about these things, but i think it’s imperative. if i don’t live my best life right now and truly reflect the values i cherish everyday then there really won’t be much for me to pass on to my kids–at least not much of the things that i believe ultimately matter.
it’s hard to respond to these questions in an outloud way, but i know jenni and your reflections here are the matters of the heart in need of most tending.
thank you.
Heartbreaking and inspiring, Tracey. I will do the same, make sure my boys know how much of the now I was there for, in movies and pictures.
Thank you,
Anna
wonderful photograph. & inspirational post. i’m definitely trying to live my fullest life with each passing moment.
<3 lissa (aka turtlefly)